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Monday, 15 April 2013

4SignsThatLeadsToCheating - (4) LackOfAppraisal

Appraisal, a word that is commonly heard and exercised in cooperate environments and in businesses but not really in relationships. Appraisal simply means to assess your progress over a period of time and come out with the modalities needed to enhance the your future doings. (Copy and tweet).

Without the “knowledge” of your past progress, planning for the future wouldn’t be all that smooth. (Copy and tweet). We build in the future based on the foundations of the past.  It’s said he who forgets their past is bound to repeat the mistakes thereof. Relationships likewise need appraisal! I see relationship as a seed that is planted by two people who needs to tend it together. When one person fails to do their bit, chaos ensues. (Copy and tweet).

It is said that what most "new lovers" use to do when they first met is stopped or totally forgotten once they settle in the relationship. (Copy and tweet).  The cinema, picnic, walking hand in hand, long chats on the phones etc are sent into oblivion. They easily forget it was what they used to do that caused the love they are experiencing to blossom. Once we begin to take things for granted in the relationship, we lose the essence and the value of what we have. (Copy and tweet).

The challenge of our times demands that anyone desiring to keep their relationship should endeavour to constantly appraise. (Copy and tweet). It’s only by doing so that you get to know what is really working and what isn’t. What might have worked earlier on in the relationship might have lost its essence. Appraisal helps stops you from committing the mistakes that will kill off your desire for each other. (Copy and tweet).

She used to like flowers back then yet as the relationship progresses, you should be able to discern whether if  the “flower trick” works or not.  The fact that the gentleman used to like a particular food or music doesn’t mean he does anymore. (Copy and tweet). There has got to be a common platform for a discussion on how to keep the blossom in the relationship by carefully understanding the evolutionary needs of each person. (Copy and tweet).

Love is a meal served over the ages not something that happens instantly. In order to enjoy the meal, be prepared to understand the ingredients that were carefully chosen to cook it. (Copy and tweet).  The hustle and bustle of our times means many never look carefully anymore at the man or woman they professed to love. The times they are changing and so is the one in the relationship with you . With this change comes the demand to constantly assess yourselves. (Copy and tweet).

Can it be said without appraisal, you will soon forget who the person you are with is? (Copy and tweet).  Maybe by now you want to give up on the man or woman who you used to love a few years or months down the line. Do away with everything including the good, the bad and the ugly and begin appraising! Trust me, the changes will bring a turnaround in your relationship. Selah!

Here is a simple 3 minutes step to help you :-

A.  Assess where you are currently in the relationship.
B.  Be honest with what is working and what isn’t
C.  Map out a strategy on how to deal with what isn’t working
D. Accept the changes that have occurred

Talk About It -

A. Why do you think people don’t do appraisal in their relationships?

Joe Akuoko II

Monday, 8 April 2013

4SignsThatLeadsToCheating - (3) ConstantlyComparing

The latter end of the twentieth century right into the twenty-first brought to bear one thing- that we have many choices of almost anything in existence. (Copy and tweet).  Coupled with the explosion of social media, you don’t have to settle for just one thing…you can have more if only you want to. It has its advantages and disadvantages. This era seem to resonate with one of James Bond’s movie- the world is not enough. (Copy and tweet).

When it comes to relationships, having several choices might be good in the early stages yet you ought to be able to settle on someone as the only one. (Copy and tweet).  Without a settle mind, several choices only lead to one thing- the danger of constantly comparing. (Copy and tweet). Our modern trends have proven that many would want to “kiss” a lot before they settle for the best lip. Yet I believe there are enough statistics to prove more and more relationships don’t last in our times as in the older years gone by.

I believe in being bold to come to terms with who you really want to be with in a relationship. (Copy and tweet). Whether the person is short, tall, light or dark skinned, English, French etc, it’s a decision God has freely given to each person to exercise. (Copy and tweet). It’s your duty to exercise this free gift to the best of your ability. I know sometimes the culture in which we are raised plays a major role in who we relate to or not. Yet when you come to terms with your choices, be bold and accept your portion in life.

God knows who will bring you fulfilment and satisfaction. Nothing happens by accident. (Copy and tweet).You didn’t meet the person by mistake. It was a divine plan whether if you believe in God or not. I think many cheat because they never seem to be satisfied with who they claim to be in love with. (Copy and tweet). We get caught up in the hustle and bustle so much we forget that in life, no one will bring you satisfaction until you make up your mind.

At weddings, many say “I do” without knowing what they are doing. (Copy and tweet). A few weeks, months or years down the line, they are divorced or separated because they believe they aren’t compatible. Sad! Somebody failed to do the necessary checks to understand how compatible they could be with the next person they want in a relationship. (Copy and tweet).

Compatibility is a must which can’t be taken for granted in any relationship. It’s what leads to satisfaction and subsequently stops comparison. (Copy and tweet). Relationship sites understand the power of compatibility thus they make sure it’s a major point on which their sites are built on.  I believe it’s because they’ve found out that if you are ever going to be satisfied and cut out comparison, you need compatibility.

The lack of a definite acceptance of yourself and capabilities first and the person you’ve declared to be in love with could is the major cause of your constant comparison. (Copy and tweet). When you made the bold decision to be in love with someone, I hope whatever brought the two of you together wasn’t the lack of contentment nor assumption but a genuine desire to be satisfied once and for all. (Copy and tweet).

Stop wishing the person you are with was someone else! If you wanted to be with someone else you wouldn’t have chosen to this one you are with. Don’t waste your time… to thine own self be true! (Copy and tweet).It’s about time you cut out all the clutter and accept your portion in this life. When two are united in the web of love, nothing is impossible. (Copy and tweet).

Here is a simple 3 minutes step to help you :-

A.  Stop Comparing!!
B.  Pray for the right person
C.  Learn to celebrate yourselves
D. Accept your portion and make it great

Talk About It -

A. Why do you think people constantly compare in relationships?


Joe Akuoko II

Monday, 1 April 2013

4SignsThatLeadsToCheating - (2) Assumptions

They say the lowest form of wisdom is assumption yet day in day out, many live their lives based on it. (Copy and tweet). It’s a very dangerous and disappointing way to live.  I see assumptions as self- projections and convictions that lack credibility and substance. (Copy and tweet). Relations happen between two human beings, (I prefer a man and a woman inspite of what our modern interpretations might be) and people change. It’s something we ought to learn to deal with.

Human beings are organisms and organisms evolve. The evolution of a person means change is something that will happen with or without their involvement. (Copy and tweet). The easiest way to be disappointed in any relationship is to stick to your assumptions without credible evidence. (Copy and tweet). Oh yes sometimes we all have assumptions about the next person but my simple question is this- are our so-called assumptions fulfilled as we thought? Selah! 

Assuming all is well with the “Jones” and thinking just because the grass is greener on the other side is a grave mistake. (Copy and tweet). Every relationship has its challenges yet people still find time to smile and to enjoy each other. I was talking to my young adults in church the other day about relationships. I said to desire to be with someone is something god ordained.  If you meet the right person at the right time, you are saved a lot of headaches. However, they shouldn’t assume that the person will be hundred per cent but they should be ready to deal with the excesses that come with being in a relationship. (Copy and tweet).

Cheating is a choice not a mistake! (Copy and tweet). Thus to avoid making this deadly choice, the basic principle here is to learn to be patient in dealing with your other half in question. Assuming all will be rosy in your relationship is an infantile way of thinking especially when life has its own bumps, twists and turns and detours. (Copy and tweet).

The dictionary defines assumption as taking something for granted. Nothing should be taken for granted or supposed when it comes to relationships. Relationships can make or unmake you! Leave assumption for daydreamers: for you and I who desire to have the best in our relationships, see things for what they are but work with the facts to bring about change. (Copy and tweet). The fact that you want a relationship like someone else doesn’t mean you have it. Neither does wishing for change means you will have it. YOU HAVE TO LEARN to deal with the brutal facts and processes involved in you becoming what you envision to be. (Copy and tweet ).

In my opinion, assumption is a deadly “SIN” Lol…. for anyone who desires not to cheat. Assuming he/she will behave in a particular way doesn’t mean it will happen. Many at times we are disappointed at other people not because of their behaviour but because of our unfounded expectations of them. (Copy and tweet). When you live life prepared to win, we also prepare yourself with enough bulwarks to avert the shocks that come with it. If you desire to have a relationship without the clutter, realistically don’t assume but be ready and prepared for changes when it comes. (Copy and tweet ).

Here is a simple 3 minutes step to help you

A.  Stop Assuming!!
B.  Deal With The Facts Presented
C.  Be content

Talk About It -

A. Why do you think people make assumotions when it comes to relationships?


Joe Akuoko II

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